?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Ad Astra Per Audentia

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> The Bunny System
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Tuesday, July 17th, 2018
12:00 am - Let's get into the meat of this thing
Onward into the storyline!

Also, if anyone gets a chance, stop over and give some love to acelightning. I'm not saying that you've had a bad month - if you say you have, I believe you - but I'm betting she's got you beat!

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, July 10th, 2018
12:04 am - Up and running!
Comic's up, I remembered! Also, there may be a new job in the offing. I might even end up working graveyard shift. Objectively, that's something most people wouldn't like. But somehow, I have this weird feeling that it might end up being the total reset that my brain requires to get me back on track. That's probably just wishful thinking, though. Still, it beats hopeless thinking for a change!

(comment on this)

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018
7:09 am - Technically not late, just got drunk and chose to post in the morning.
Soup's on.

Job hunt's not going so great. Thinking of abandoning all career-minded pursuits and just trying to get a job at the roadside flower stand that's apparently hiring.

It might not be the worst job I ever had.

I like flowers.

(comment on this)

Tuesday, June 26th, 2018
4:47 pm - Late again.
Nice to know that some things never change! Here you go. It's the start of a storyline, though it doesn't look it yet. Shhh, don't tell anybody!

I honestly did forget this week. Most of my mind has been occupied with job hunting. I've sent out many applications. I don't expect anyone to get back to me. Frankly, it'd be a small miracle if a human even saw it before it got algorithmically sorted into the "circular file."

Hope everyone else is having a nice week.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Monday, June 18th, 2018
11:04 pm - Updated on time. May as well do something right.
Here ya go. Link goes live in an hour.

I have no idea who I am anymore.

Not only have I not been making comics, or really any art in general of note, but I feel so differently about it now - it doesn't quite hold the same meaning for me. I figured I might instead start channelling the focus into writing, but so far, no dice. When I try new stuff, like swing-dance classes or diamond painting kits, it's nice, I enjoy it, and I wouldn't care if I never did it again in my life. I have no major life aspirations. I have no goals to speak of, aside from the obvious basics of survival.

I feel like I lack definition as a person now, I lack structure. It's like I'm being hollowed out.

I'm not saying it was caused by losing my job last week, nor was it the CAUSE of my job loss, but I'd say in both cases, it didn't help.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, June 12th, 2018
11:34 pm - I wonder what epipelagic ocean fish think is happening when it rains?
Sorry for the delay. Monday's events kind of threw me off my gait, but I've got the comic up now. Here is is!

Oh, and that top line is just what I was thinking about when I remembered to post the Livejournal update.

(3 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, June 5th, 2018
12:48 am - Oh boy, are you in for a treat this week.
I'm honestly shocked the paper let me do this one.

In "general life improvements" news, I finally made something new. See, I've been doing this thing at work where, whenever I have a few free minutes, I make these little pictures for people on Post-Its, which feature their name and an animal of their choice. Basically I drew one for one person on a lark and it kind of snowballed from there.One coworker requested that I draw him a Maltese dog. I looked up a model dog on Google Image Search and knocked a decent little scrawl out in about ten minutes.

He got surprisingly emotional about it - I hadn't realized that he'd recently lost his beloved pet Maltese and that the dog I'd chosen for my model looked pretty close to his former pet - and declared he was going to get it done as a tattoo. I was horrified at the idea that something I'd tossed off in ten minutes on a Post-It was going to become a permanent part of someone's skin, so I asked him to let me make him a better version on a nice piece of paper. This one took me about forty minutes, and turned out pretty well. He thanked me effusively for it.

So, it seems like whenever I am able to make something, I seem to gravitate towards projects that are very small, but with an outsized, if localized, impact. I'm not sure this suggests any particular course of action for me, but it's definitely something to think about.

(5 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, May 29th, 2018
12:30 am - This one's a two-parter.
So, here's the second part!

Not much to report this week. Managing? Managing sounds like a good way to describe it. Sent out a few job apps. Cleaned the bejesus out of my apartment. So, stuff's getting done. No news is good news, right? :-)

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2018
12:51 am - Don't worry, not dead yet!
Hey. Sorry I haven't posted in a bit. Haven't had a lot to say. Still figuring my shit out. You know the saying, "you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into"? I feel like there should be an attendant saying of "you can't medicate someone out of something they reasoned themselves into." Pretty sure the pills aren't helping. They ain't hurtin', but they ain't helpin'. Who knows, maybe the psych will want to try something else. Dude is like Santa Claus with a prescription pad.

Not much else going on - I was in another blacklight art show recently. It took me three months to make the paintings and was like hell to do it - which is rather unlike me in both temperament and speed. At least they got done in time. Just glad the show's over. No one bought my paintings, but then, nobody bought ANYTHING - they all just took pictures of the art and spent the money on drinks - so I'm not really offended. I'll figure out how to get the pictures I took up on the LJ tomorrow.

Sorry again for the delay. I truly didn't mean to worry anybody.

Oh, and comic's up.

(5 comments | comment on this)

Monday, April 30th, 2018
10:30 pm - Posting a little early for a change
This link won't be active for another 90 minutes after my blog post, but if it's past that point, then feel free to click for good times!

Been on some medication for about a week. Not sure if it's making an effective change here, but at least I'm posting on time this week, so I'll be generous and attribute it to my new regimen. Unless I have yet again ballsed up the preloading process, which is entirely possible!

(4 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, April 24th, 2018
12:17 am
Comic's up.

So, now's as good a time as any I guess to say what's been up with me. It's kind of hard to even figure out what happened for myself, let alone explain it to another person. But I guess the best way to describe it is: stuff has stopped mattering. Like, I guess everything to some degree, but most importantly art and comics.

You're probably thinking that sounds kind of messed up. I'd be inclined to agree with you.

When I was younger, I never understood the idea of an "ex-artist." I could never wrap my mind around what could possibly induce someone to just put down their pencils / brushes / whatever and never pick them up again. I guess it never occurred to me that it might not be a matter of choice. Maybe something inside them just left one day and never came back. That's more or less what it felt like to me.

And I've been fighting it, I assure you. But any new project I start just can't seem to sustain itself. Whatever motivation I start with burns out quickly and never gets replaced with anything new. That's the link where the chain breaks - motivation. It's not about running out of ideas, it's not about losing discipline. It's about looking at all the ideas you have already had, all the things you've already made, and realizing that somehow, you truly don't care if anyone ever sees them, ever again.

I guess that extends to work I've already made. I guess that's why it's hard to put much more effort into Sarah & Abra than was made originally.

I will see through what I've started. I will complete S&A's run. But after that, if I'm still the same? I can't promise you what I'd do. I might make a new comic, I might not.  I might finally take down the site, I might not. I honestly have no idea. And of course, it's not your fault in any way. Hell, I shed most of my audience a long time ago, so if you're still with me, I'm pretty sure you have a level of loyalty not seen outside of heroic dogs in movies. Thanks for reading all this, if you've come this far.

(5 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, April 10th, 2018
12:03 am - I remembered again this week!
This is getting to be a bad habit.

Sorry for so much inactivity. Wish I could tell you more about what my deal was, but I barely can parse it for myself. I'll try to sit down and get my thoughts in order sometime this weekend. In any case, Ace? Good to hear you're feeling better! \o/

(comment on this)

Tuesday, March 27th, 2018
12:10 am - I LIVE
I also remembered to post a comic!

I am particularly proud of the alt-text on this one.

 . . . I think I've been living in the Bay Area too long.

Passover starts in just four days! Everyone throw out all the hametz (or eat it!)

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, March 13th, 2018
11:28 pm - Update!
New comic, new storyline, same old Audrey and her problems with maintaining a regularly updating website.

(3 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, March 6th, 2018
12:20 am - New comic is up!
Finally, the finale!

Heh, almost forgot I had a website again.

In better news, I got my prescription, but I'm not going to start it until I get clearance from an endocrinologist. God, was my body put together by the lowest bidder or WHAT.

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, February 27th, 2018
12:03 am - Comic's up
Here ya go.

Not much to say at the moment. Things are at least pretty steady, but I wouldn't exactly call it improvement. We'll see what the guy who can prescribe pills has to say. If I can't get back to the way I was, maybe I can become something new and different, but with a roughly equivalent sense of purpose. Either would be a relief at this point, I would say.

(1 comment | comment on this)

Monday, February 19th, 2018
11:41 pm - Early bird!
This week, I'm a little ahead of myself - writing the post a full 20 minutes before the comic comes up. You can view it here when it does. I'll probably be in bed by then!

It's been a reasonably nice day. I met up with a friend today. She does comics too, and she's not affected like I am so she can get a lot more done. I can siphon off some of her energy when we work together, so I got a little drawing done too! She's currently working contract, but soon she'll be back to her own projects - I reckon in about eight or ten months time. In the mean time, we've been keeping the door to her sanity propped open with a collaborative project - Angry Batman. Feel free to flip through our archives, but enjoy it while you can - you didn't hear it from me, but the series is ending in a few months. Don't worry, though, she'll go on producing stuff. Hopefully I will, too!

(5 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, February 15th, 2018
8:51 pm - Gah! I'm awake! I'm awake!
New comic! See?!

So yeah, what the site says is true, I truly did forget that I was a cartoonist who had a webcomic site and put comics on the website. For two days.

So, full disclosure . . . I've been better. I mean, yeah, I'm upright, breathing, relatively healthy (plus ten pounds), all that jazz. I'm acclimating as well as can be expected to my new job; when the other staff treat you as if you've been there for years instead of just two months, it can get a little annoying, but at least it means you're fitting in well. But I'm still not making new art, aside from the occasional sketch for an old buddy of mine. Generally speaking, comics work has hit a standstill. No big projects, no little projects, no diary, no nothing. I don't even doodle on napkins or Post-Its much anymore. I don't know what to do with this. The possible link to depression has been noted, but ultimately this might just be the result of getting older and general ennui, I don't know. I don't know what caused it, so I don't know how to reverse it. Working on it, at least.

Also YES, the use of mushrooms, LSD, MDMA and ayahuasca have all been suggested. Several times. Further encouragements will result in a resigned sigh and a roughly groin-level kick.

Hope everyone else out there is doing all right.

(4 comments | comment on this)

Monday, January 29th, 2018
10:25 pm - The Horrors of Being Abra
The nightmare continues!

Also more details about blind date weirdness to follow on the site, if anyone's interested.

(3 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018
1:02 am - IT BEGINS
Let's dive headfirst into this nightmare!

How bad can it get! You'll have to read on to find out!

(5 comments | comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page
LiveJournal.com