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Ad Astra Per Audentia

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Monday, November 11th, 2019
12:15 am - The youngest of the quartet


That's all there is, there isn't any more.

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Sunday, November 3rd, 2019
11:58 pm - It gets better. Technically.

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Monday, October 28th, 2019
1:19 am - I am the Queen of Bittersweet Nostalgia, and today you are all my subjects.

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Monday, October 21st, 2019
6:38 pm - Technically still Monday
Had to get up at 5:45 this morning to start the coffee and almost forgot my promise! Well, I did finish a cleanup, so here goes nuthin'.

I made a set of four minicomics. I suppose I could make more, but I felt the need to stop after four. I carry them around in a little repurposed plastic pocket protector inside my purse. I didn't really plan on doing anything with them.

This is the first one, "Dance." I'll try to post another next Monday. Ad-hoc Sauce supplement.

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Saturday, October 19th, 2019
10:44 pm - SatOct1919
Hello! Still alive!

So what is new? Not much. Made my one year anniversary at work, it will now take an act of Congress to fire me. If I can hang on for 19 years, I get a pretty decent pension. We'll see.

I draw mostly with friends now, but I don't see them much because everyone has horribly unfair work schedules. I should try to find a drawing meetup in the city that really isn't just an excuse for people to drink heavily with sketchbooks in front of them.

I usually feel disinclined to draw when by myself. I am not using my little table as much since I got rid of TV, and I am trying to get myself used to using a lapdesk so that I can draw while watching Youtube videos. However, even when I can keep from totally balking at it, I find myself just eventually laying the tools down and watching the videos. I think left to my own devices, all I really want to do with my free time these days is watch videos. Just find a bunch of them ranging from ten minutes to two hours each, chain them up and watch the days go.

I'm working on my continuing ed for my certifications, too. I told myself that if I finished another module, I would write this blog post. Honestly, I'm not sure which activity was meant to be the incentive. You guys are great, of course, but I'm just not that gung-ho about writing at the moment.

I'm not unhappy, but I'm in that weird baffled mood that ended up as a prelude to the last bout of unhappiness. Just keeping an eye on it for now. I can't tell if not particularly wanting anything in life is more of a blessing or a curse. Maybe "zen" is just the word we used before we came up with the actual diagnosis of clinical depression? Too deep for me. At least I'm getting to the gym more. When I'm less protective of my time, I don't resent spending more of it on a treadmill.

I still have a bunch of Sauces left, thankfully, and definitely some ideas in the hopper that I still think are good and am trying to get myself excited about. If I complete another continuing ed module, I'll go back to work on cleaning up an old comic to spice up the LJ with. Going to try for a Monday post this time.

I'm trying not to be worried or worry anybody else. I'm just not pleased with my lack of output. I'd chalk it up to getting older, but if I tried to do that, Terry Gilliam would astral-project into my brain to yell at me that he managed to finish The Man Who Killed Don Quixote at 78 and that I have no excuses. I guess I'm confused by the need to get myself pumped up about art or incentivize myself for regular production, because I've never really had to do that before. The drive was always just there and I never really questioned it. It's just how the world works - fish swim, plants grow, Audrey writes and draws shit. So what happens when plants stop growing and fish stop swimming?

If the weather starts getting worse, which it will, I'm going to try dragging comic materials to the breakroom at work, see where that gets me.

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Wednesday, September 25th, 2019
11:17 pm - Looks like I overestimated myself
Oh well. Was hoping to throw up some extra things to fill out the offerings these days, but I guess I'm not quite there yet. At least Sauce is still chugging along nicely.

I'll admit that my discipline is utterly shot and needs work, but I will say that the inexplicable, unseasonable 89ºF weather hasn't been helping. Also, and I'm not even sure how they managed this, but the AC at work is BROKEN AGAIN, so I'm guessing this is going to get worse before it gets better. :(

According to coworkers, apparently, the AC system nearly always breaks when the outside temperature goes above 80 or so. This naturally begs the question of then why do we even bother with an AC system in the first place?!

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Monday, September 16th, 2019
11:42 pm - I thought I would be done by now!
Fifteen minutes to the end of Monday and it still ain't ready. >_<

One more day or two. God dammit, Audrey.

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Thursday, September 12th, 2019
8:42 am - Sauce is still tickin' along
Like I said!

Also, more stuff is going to kick into gear behind the scenes. I think I'll have more news on Monday.

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Thursday, September 5th, 2019
8:29 am - Still chuggin'
New Sauce!

Also, I've finished my little set of minis. I'm going to scan those in and clean them up this week. I think I'm going to post them to this journal. It might be the thing that gets me back in the habit of keeping up with this thing. :)

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Thursday, August 22nd, 2019
9:58 am - Double-wide!
This should be a nice treat to carry you into the end of the week!

Some of these new Sauces are double-pagers. A few are triples! There will be a break between triples and the regular schedule, but doubles are free, so have fun.

Still working in the minis, will throw them onto the site or the LJ when they’re all done. Maybe it can be kind of a “back to school” thing. ;-)

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Thursday, August 15th, 2019
12:48 am - SAUCE IS BACK Y'ALL
I finally, finally got myself to clean up and load the previously unpublished Sauce comics and from here on out, we are breaking new ground!

Soo yeah . . . . no new projects yet. It's not that I don't have ideas - there are a lot of ideas. It's more the lack of motivation, a lack of a reason to turn my imaginative postulata into physical works. No, don't worry, that's not the lead-in to a horribly run Kickstarter, it's just my own little existential quandary I've been grappling with for going on close to four years now.

That being said, when I do manage to force / trick  / cajole myself into drawing, it's emerged at least partially in the form of four mini-comics called "My 13-Year-Old Self's Dictionary." Described by test readers so far as "kind of funny, but also kind of really depressing." Would anyone be interested in a little sugar-dusted pathos?

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Monday, August 5th, 2019
8:52 pm - The end of yet another road.
Sauce is still going, but I'm afraid it's time to say a fond goodbye to our friendly neighborhood Fujoshi.

Subcultures change, relationships change, and we ourselves change, too, but our memories are a trove of shining jewels that we may treasure the rest of our days.

No news on new comics. I'll let you know when I know more myself.

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Monday, July 29th, 2019
10:02 pm - Last one to terminus
Well . . . . that happened.

Thankfully, neither my homegirl nor I left that event minus a pair of underwear or plus an embarrassing rash. I'm not sure the same can be said for the other girls we shared the suite with!

Incidentally, the next one is the last one. But at least Sauce will still be running, it's got a ways to go!

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Monday, July 22nd, 2019
1:52 pm - Looks like Sauce is back up and running
See?

Also, we've got new Fujoshi - more horrors of the con await. I think I may have mentioned this before, but it's funny how no matter how enjoyable a yaoi comic is, it becomes just horrifying when converted to anime. I used to speculate that it was because these comics were created entirely by women, but most animators were men, so something in the aesthetic's appeal got "lost in translation." Then again, there are a lot more women in animation now and this shit still often ends up just a few degrees short of eldritch, so I'm not sure what the true explanation actually is.

Also, if you want to out the hidden pedophile in your life, just ask "Does anyone know what Boku No Pico is?" ;-)

(For the love of fuck, please don't look up that anime, but if you're able to safely get to its Wikipedia talk page, you will discover an absolute goldmine of insanity and pedantry that will make you laugh until it makes you cry!)

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Tuesday, July 16th, 2019
9:46 am - bweeeeeee
The Fujoshi are still rolling along at the convention. Things have gotten a little fucked up.

In honor of this strip, I'd like to present another Fangirl Quote of the Week from the yaoi doujinshi comment section:

"OMG (character name) what is WRONG with you?! He's TWELVE! YOU fucking SLEPT with a TWELVE Y/O OMG! Still ship it tho"

Classic.

Lately my life has been about burning through craft kits. I've finished a diamond painting and am almost done with another, which I'm hoping to finish soon so I can make a new Paper Nano papercraft diorama before trying out my new artificial flowers kit.

I haven't been drawing much. Oddly, there are just as many comic ideas as ever, and even some light scripting and a storyboard or two floating around but nothing is actually happening in terms of production.

I don't know how I feel.

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Monday, July 8th, 2019
11:07 pm - Well, new week, new Fujoshi up
The convention fun continues!

Not much else is new. I still haven't fixed Sauce, I'll have the next one up Friday. Not doing much else other than little craft projects and dropping emotional cinder blocks on my stabler friends via text. Hey, at least they know I'm thinkin' about 'em!

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Thursday, July 4th, 2019
9:17 pm - Some news!
Happy Fourth of July! It's still the Fourth over here for three more hours, so I can still say it! Yay!

The Sauce upload fucked up! I will try to fix that and should have something for you tomorrow!

Also, on a personal note, I'm kind of annoyed by something that probably shouldn't make a difference, but it still bugs me. At the hospital, we have a front desk where the assistance staff decorate it for all the major national/cultural holidays - hearts for Valentine's Day, eggs and stuffed bunnies for Easter, that kind of thing. Anyway, for Pride Month they had everything all done up for two weeks with rainbow and trans flags and banners and posters and stuff. That's fine, it's Pride Month, that makes sense. But yesterday was the day before the Fourth of July, and there was nothing. It's not that I don't think the gay, trans, etc. people shouldn't have their representation, they totally should. But it's kind of shitty to then ignore Independence Day. Not everyone at the hospital is gay or trans, but literally every one of both our clients and our employees is American. I get that this is San Francisco (we hate America even worse than ISIS, all soldiers eat babies for fun, blah blah blah) but c'mon, guys . . . . would a token effort of a couple of miniature American flags or a few red-and-blue glitter stars hurt that much?

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Monday, June 24th, 2019
9:55 am - Good times
In honor of today's Fujoshi Life, I give you the Fangirl Quote of the Day, culled specially from the comments section of my local doujinshi upload repository:

"MY KOKORO IS BROKERO!"

In unrelated news, my GOD do I love evening shifts that start in the late afternoon. Cue Audrey nursing a cup of coffee in pajamas with some lo-fi chillhop for like two hours <3

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Friday, June 21st, 2019
1:05 pm - Just checkin' in.
Most recent update was over at Sauce. It's an oldie, but a goodie.

So what's new over here? Not much. Work is still work. I have a weekend coming up, so that'll be nice. I've been trying to make stuff but still fighting unmotivation. I've been doodling out a couple of cutesy, pathos-riddled minicomics just as an exercise. Might post those. We'll see when they're done. I'm also working on a short story - really just exploring a theme - inspired by a friend of mine who's working on some kind of epic vampire-themed action-mystery comic. I'll link to her project when it comes online, but it's got a long way to go!

Life isn't much of anything right now, but at least it is life, at least for the moment.

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Monday, June 10th, 2019
11:40 pm - Got the new one up
This week's Fujoshi kind of gets into some weird territory. And it ain't gonna stop next week. I completely understand anyone who doesn't completely understand this.

And with a new 2200+ acre fire up north only 20% under containment and our first air quality warning of the summer, we here in California have officially opened for Fire Season! WOO!

Also our new air conditioning worked for about a week and now it's broken again and also the entire hospital's AC is also broken, which makes me think it actually might have something to do with the power grid instead of the machinery, but all I know is that it is getting really hot in there.

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